totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize