apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
