Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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