Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
