I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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