I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
