do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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