Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
