I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When are your genitals available?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
