Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
