Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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