I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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