you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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