just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How external is "for external use only"?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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