no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
