I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
