she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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