So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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