So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
