I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
