i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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