Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
