I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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