i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
