wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
