There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize