I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
