Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
