Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
