Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
