i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
