Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
