Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
