don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
