So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
