Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk is a universal language darling
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
