sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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