My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
