Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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