do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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