Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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