Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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