A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
