Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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