no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Blood and glitter go together right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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