nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this boner is exhausting
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
