You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
