Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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