it hurts more in the daytime
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
