I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
