Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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