Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
