I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
